


Ghosts of Our Past

by grimmreaper (willhelmina)



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Canon Dialogue, Character Death, Ghosts, M/M, Resurrection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-21
Updated: 2013-11-21
Packaged: 2018-01-02 07:31:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1054129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/willhelmina/pseuds/grimmreaper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I've always seen them kid, even when I was a boy. They're just there...They've made me who I am today. I can't get rid of them like I can't get rid of you.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ghosts of Our Past

When Jim met Bones, the man kept staring at him. Jim thought it was the blood caked on his shirt. Then he thought, maybe the man was attracted to him. He smirked, who wasn't attracted to James Tiberius Kirk? The man who brought ladies to their knees and jealousy from other men (if he wasn't fucking them too). 

But that wasn't it. He was staring at him like he was observing, mapping his every move. Eyes trained on him. He smirked at the good doctor, one McCoy, and patted his shoulder. The other man jumped, pulling him out of his reverie. He couldn't help but laugh, the good doctor flushing like mad. 

"It's okay  _Bones._ Everyone wants a piece," He laughed and anger spread across the other man's features. 

"Fucking infant," He growled, stomping away from him.

"Bones! Come on! It was a joke!"

What the hell was he staring at?

***

Three weeks later, successfully moved into Bones apartment after he complained...nonstop... ( _"Come on Bones! Please! I'm sorry! This dorm isn't working out! I'll be good! I promise!"_

_"Damnit Jim! Fine! Quit begging like a dog!"_

_"You're the best Bonesy!"_ ) Jim woke up with laughing in the kitchen. The smell of bacon wafted through the small apartment. His stomach growled with anticipation as he slipped into some pants and a shirt (He sleeps naked, thank you) and plodded into the kitchen.

A hearty laugh came from the man behind the stove, bacon sizzling even louder. "Just like you made it, meemaw." A pause then another laugh. "You'd know I'd never give up the family secret."

“Bones?” Jim sat down at the small counter. “Who are you talking to?”

Bones whirled around, smile still stuck on his face. “Jim? How many pancakes do you want?”

“Uh...?”

Bones chuckled, slapping a stack on his plate with a few slices of bacon. Jim opened his mouth again but Bones went back to cooking up more bacon and Jim found he wasn't going to get another word in. Bones was happy as could be and Jim was just as confused. He sat in silence watching the good doctor maneuver around the kitchen like a ballet dancer. Graceful and poised.

What was going on?

***

It kept happening. 

Bones kept talking to himself.

Jim was worried. Maybe he was feeling the pressures of Starfleet. Maybe he was losing it. Jim hoped that wasn't the case; he didn't want to report his friend to anyone. 

“Bones...why do you keep talking to yourself?” He asked once. His friend glanced at him behind his PADD.

“It's just something I've always done, Kid. Don't worry about it.”

But he did.

So he waited, watched the good doctor. Maybe he would stop, get his head back into the game.

***

He didn't.

***

Gaila had helped him with the Kobayashi Maru. Distracted a lap tech like he hacked the system. A jointed effort between the two of them. One...he never got to repay.

He wanted to talk to her, thank her. Without her, he wouldn't be Captain of the Enterprise.

She had been a true friend

He had thought he saw her, an Orion woman with similar built and height, red curls everywhere but...it wasn't here. (Jim almost put his foot in his mouth trying to talk to her.)

He spent that night alone, nursing the bourbon Bones had given him as a birthday present last year. He still had a little left in the bottle so he polished it off before the day was even over.  The burn was comforting, melting away all the bad that had come with the good. 

The regret of not thanking her was just another blemish on his soul.

The  _ting_  of the door brought him from his thoughts and it slides open. Bones entered the room with the same look on his face. Jim motioned to his chair, a familiar recourence between the two of them, but he didn't take it. He just...watched him as he downed the rest of the bourbon. Jim sighed. "What can I do for you, Bones?"

"Wanted to talk to you about something. About the Kobayashi Maru. About Gaila," Bones replied, staring right at him. Jim's breath caught in his throat.

"What about it?" It sounded weak as he felt right at that moment.

"She wanted you to know...." His eyes drifted a moment, head tilting down, like he was listening. "She wanted you to know that...she knows, Jim. She knows. And she says, it was nothing. She'd do it again in a heartbeat if she could. You're welcome, Jim."

Jim choked back a sob. "Bones."

"She's proud of you, Jim."

Bones exited in silence, leaving Jim to stew it over.

He lost it.

***

After that, he watched Bones every chance he could.

Sometimes, he'd catch Bones smiling, a laugh trying to escape from his lips.

Other times, he walked like the whole world was on his shoulders.

And at rare, he'd find sadness there. That was usually right after he'd lost a patient.

Then he wouldn't see him for a few hours.

***

 Jim felt so guilty. So, so very guilty.

Baiting Spock like that,bringing up his mother like that, it was unwise. He needed the Vulcan's trust, after all and he might of just destroyed the only chance to gain it. Jim wandered the hall, pretty aimlessly, until he found himself down in McCoy's med bay. The door slid open and he was greeted with voices in the other room. 

"She said...she doesn't want you to suffer." Definitely Bones.

"Stop, doctor. That is enough. Please do not feed me lies." Spock.

"She said...whether you believe it or not, you two would be reunited again one day. Until then, she would continue to watch over you, a smile on her face every day."

"Doctor. Do not speak of my mother that way." Spock was warning him, readying to pound on Bones if he kept this up. Jim was one thing but Spock? Another. 

"You've made her a proud mother."

"Doctor...Please." There was a hiccup. Was Spock...crying? His shoulders stood still.

"She said...she loves you Spock. With all her heart. Don't blame anyone for her death. Everything happens for a reason. Even as sudden as this." With that, Spock stood up, barreling for the door and Jim stood in awe. Did Bones make him cry?

"Bones...what the hell was that?"

Bones said nothing, just went back into his office.

***

Whatever was happening with Bones, it was starting to confuse him. Even more than he already was.

The doctor would give him no answer to what he was doing. Compromising himself, Spock. He was even hearing about him mentioning something to Chekov about his mother. When he would visit other planets with them, villagers would stare at him in awe as he told them things only them and loved ones would know. Giving them peace about things.

What was he doing?

***

Pike's death hit him like phase fire. A searing pain left in his chest. The man had been like a father to him. Got him cleaned up, into Starfleet. He owed him his life. Now...

Bones was being like a gnat in his ear. Obviously, the words "I'm fine" meaning nothing to the man. As soon as he was leaving for the ship, questions non-stop in his ear. The constant beeping of his tricorder. He was ready to kill Bones, especially if he kept this up.

"McCoy!" He finally snapped, bringing the doctor to a halt. "Enough! I'm fine!"

"The hell you are," McCoy hissed.

"If you don't leave me alone..."

"Supposed to take care of you, Jim."

"I know your the CMO but seriously..."

"Pike wanted me to."

Jim stopped. "What?"

"Pike wanted me to take care of you, make sure you were okay. He saw the look on your face when he died, kid. He said you're like a son to him and he'll always be around, no matter what."

"Bones...not today."

"He wanted me to take care of you. Knew how much we mean to each other."

He couldn't take this, not today of all days. So he did the one thing he could do to shut him up. He punched him. Square in the jaw. It definitely wasn't the captain-y thing to do but he had enough. Chest heaving, Bones just looked at him, confusion and hurt right in his eyes. But at that moment, Jim didn't care. Spock made a move at the corner of his eyes. They were going to take him away but Bones...Bones the saint...stopped them, motioned them away.

"Bones..."

"One day, Jim, you'll get it."

***

He showed up later in med bay and wrapped his arms around his CMO,  _I'm sorry_  spewing him his lips. 

Bones just gathered him up, whispering in his ear that  _it's Okay, Jim_  and  _I know you didn't mean it Jim_.

Bones was definitely a saint.

***

Death was cold.

Cold and distant.

Blackness.

That's all he saw.

No white light.

No smiling faces.

Was this hell?

He was in hell, wasn't he?

A life of sin is where it got him.

Hell.

"You aren't in hell, kid." Pike was suddenly beside him.

“Where am I?”

“Not in hell.”

“Chris...”

“Go home, Jim.”

“What?”

“Go _home_ , Jim. To McCoy. Go home.”

He went home.

***

Waking up with a start ,with beeping in his ear, the smell of disinfectant and a brunette man in white hustling about, he could finally breathe again. He blinked, vision clearing. Where was he?This was heaven, wasnt it? He tilted his head at the man in white Was this an angel? Bones...Bones was dead, in heaven with him?

Was Bones an angel?

"Oh don't be so melodramatic. You were  _barely_  dead," He stated before staring to scan him with a tricorder.

He was alive.

"Transfusion really took it's toll. You were out for two weeks."

He blinked, definitely confused. "Transfusion?"

"Your cells....were heavily irradiated. We had no choice." Bones was barely making eye contact with him, only glancing at him once in a while. He was hurt, Jim knew. Times when Bones patched him up flashed through his mind, the same look on his face then. There was things he wanted to do, touch him, hug him. Tell him it was okay. But he still wanted to sleep.

But his entire body was betraying him at the moment, keeping him awake. "Khan?"

"Once we caught him, I synthesized a serum from his...superblood. Now tell me, are you feeling...homicidal? Power mad? Despotic?" 

He couldn't help the smile that started to spread across his face. "No more than usual. How...did you catch him?"

"I didn't."

Between the conversation between him, Spock and Bones, the presence in the corner, the shadow of a man didn't go unnoticed. It was familiar. Felt like...home. It was his father.

***

He started seeing them daily. He almost thought he was going crazy, seeing so many people but they never hurt him. They never talked to him. They just...watched him. Like he was made of glass. He would just stare at them in return. Most days, it was his father, just his father. Sometimes, sitting by his bedside. Watching. Sometimes, he would smile at Jim, especially on days when he would get up and walk by himself.

Other times, he would just watch, face blank. He tried talking to him, but got nothing in reply. Could he hear him? The nurse would usually interrupt and when she was gone, he would be too.

Damnit. 

***

"Bones..." A month later and the doctor still wasn't talking to him. With a little PT, he was back on his feet. Not quite feeling one hundred percent but getting there. So, why wasn't Bones talking to him? Of course, tracking him down was easy enough. He had picked up extra shifts at Starfleet Medical. He was working himself to the bone, no pun intended. "Bones!"

The older man stopped in his tracks, PADD forgotten as he stared up at him as he tried to rush over to him.

Of course, rushing over with much difficulty but he managed. 

Bones definitely looked older than he was. Dark circles under his eyes and the deep wrinkles that began to set into his face. He was thinning, the scrubs he wore hanging off him. His eyes tired as he peered. He was hurting, Jim knew, and he wasn't talking. Especially to him. He placed a hand on Bones's arm, only to have the other man flinch away from him.

"Bones..."

"What, JIm? I have to get back to work."

"Why aren't you talking to me? Or sleeping? Or eating for that matter?"

Bones flinched again. "I'm fine, kid."

"The hell you are." Two could play at that game. "Talk to me."

"No."

"Bones."

"Jim, just leave me alone."

"Not until you start talking."

"No."

"Bones!"

"No!"

"Damnit! Say something! Anything!"

"You died, damn it!"

“Bones...”

“No...you died and left but you were still there and I could see you...almost touch you...tried to speak to you like the others, the others, but you wouldn't reply and I just...I thought I lost you and...”

Jim kissed him.

Kissed him like he would never see him again. Warm lips invited him in and he wasn't leaving. Not even close to leaving and Jim finally understood what Pike was talking about. Bones' PADD clattered to the floor as he wrapped his arms around his neck, kissing him back for all this worth.

Jim Kirk was home.

Bones pulled away, blinking away the tears that gathered in his eyes and Jim couldn't help but brush them away with a thumb. He pecks his lips again and again until they finally disperse. Bones sighed against his lips before he pulled away, giving him a look of disbelief.

“Wait...you see them too?” Suddenly everything with Bones made sense. “The..ghosts...you see them too.”

“I've always seen them kid, even when I was a boy. They're just there...They've made me who I am today. I can't get rid of them like I can't get rid of you,” Bones stated and Jim held him closer.

“Bones...”

“It's not going to be easy seeing them Jim. It takes years to get used to and even then...” Bones trailed off; this wasn't good. “If you encounter one that scares you or hurts you or makes you feel uncomfortable, you have to tell me. I've done this a long time and I'm going to keep doing it. Sometimes...it makes coping a hell of a lot easier.”

Jim only nodded. “Okay. Okay.”

Bones smiled and pulled him in for another kiss.

He knew it was going to be alright; he was home.

**Author's Note:**

> I may or may not have blasted the Beyond: Two Souls soundtrack while writing this. Unbeta'd and it was my first time writing Spock so be gentle!
> 
> Edited: Well I had this tagged as Spock/McCoy, i had an idea of McCoy kind of hugging Spock but...it didn't get written! Apologies!


End file.
